Tuesday 24 January 2012

no such thing as a free lunch!

(those are my initials.  exclamation mark included.)

it`s also what i burst out with the moment i realized what i had done at lunch today...

i think i mentioned that after last night's pottery class i was back on track again?

well, today's misadventure topped the charts.

i was rushing to a work luncheon, delayed in my usual fashion, when it happened...

i parked and zoomed into the usual banquet hall, my red curls wildly unruly.

i thought i could sneak over to the buffet table inconspicuously and really was quite stealthy about the whole thing.  i'm not sure anyone even noticed my arrival.

with a full plate, i pulled up a chair at a table of friendly-looking women.  i eagerly tucked into my meal and then looked up to chatter idly with my table mates.  i asked their names and proceeded to introduce myself by name and explain that i was here, of course, to discuss water conservation and the municipal toilet rebate program (this is NEVER acceptable lunch table talk, so i was not initially alarmed by their raised eyebrows).

then i asked what they did.  they all seemed to work in the healthcare sector.  hmmm...that's odd, i'd never met anyone in the healthcare field at these luncheons before.  i actually felt quite excited about the stimulating conversation i could anticipate over lunch.

and then the woman across from me cleared her throat.  'yes?', i looked up. ..but before she could answer, i got that terrible i-am-in-the-wrong-classroom-and-not-wearing-any-pants feeling.

i quickly scanned the room and saw that it was nearly all women.  the condo association luncheons i normally attend have a far more even male/female distribution.  and not one of the attendees at THIS luncheon seems to be an insurance agent nor a property manager.  none of them are handing out business cards.  and all of them are waving this strange handout about reproductive health.

...REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH??? i've stolen a free lunch and accidentally landed in a two-day retreat focused on SEX??!!?  well, at the very least, this sounds both stimulating (excuse the bad pun) and most interesting!

 i've taken many a faux pas, but this one must top the charts, even for me.  wow.  what to do now? i could quietly finish my meal and sneak away, but that's really not my M.O.  best to just enjoy.  so i did.  i engaged in a robust discussion of water fluoridation with my bright and interesting table mates and when the microphone came around for new arrivals to introduce themselves, i proudly stood up and introduced myself, put in a plug to regularly check one's plumbing (see! toilets ARE relevant to this conversation!) grabbed my jacket and my chocolate mousse and thanked everybody for the free lunch.

NOTE: dear reader- i did NOT in fact ask luncheon attendees to check their plumbing.  it was only after the fact that i wished i'd publicly done so...the sort of brilliance that always strikes two hours after it is most needed.  the rest of the story, i'm sorry to admit, is completely accurate.

one of those days...

it has been two of those days.

the kind of days when you're just so sad that you HAVE to buy one of those frothy expensive drinks with a prename, a middle name and a surname, accompanied also by a suffix and a prefix.

and then you`re just so jittery and discombobulated that your hand jerks and projects the aforementioned froth over the very attractive barista who's clearly been hired for the way his hair looks unwashed and yet so very cool at the same time.

you stare, appalled at what you've done to mar this beautiful specimen, yet are somehow resigned, recognizing this as yet another part of this VERY BAD DAY.

deep breath.

you're simply left standing with half of your seven dollar drink as the rest of the creamy liquid slowly foams its way through the hipster`s mullet and drips onto his raised collar.  he's very kind about the whole incident, perhaps even smiling and winking one of those dark, poetic eyes, which quite frankly people, makes the whole thing a whole lot worse.  (at least when somebody yells or causes a scene, you can pretend that they deserved this, or better yet, blame them in some way for your involuntary hand spasm).

that was a five minute clip from yesterday.  i moved through much of the day in this same shroud of deep, dark uncoolness.  i think i finally emerged when at the end of the day i spent hours in a near-meditative state at my magical new pottery class.  (clearly, being muddy comes naturally to me. it's likely how i earned the nickname 'dirty girl' in university.  MOM! that really IS why they all called me that!!)

here's to sleep and to better days!
(though i have to say, sometimes the VERY BAD DAYS do provide more fodder for one's self-obsessed blog....)

Sunday 22 January 2012

she had dumps like a truck...

truck, truck...thighs like what, what, what?

WHAT??!! my thighs are protesting...

...aching! the snow...it's so deep!

skiing this deep snow, this dump...here it comes again, 'dumps like a truck, truck, truck...'

this chorus ran through my mind (and to the dismay of my companions, out of my mouth) all day yesterday as i enjoyed one of the largest snow dumps Fernie has seen in a 5-day period this side of 1983.

Thong Song by mizz_reality

nearly every ski fanatic in the Canadian west made their way to the quaint mountain town to experience the truck-like dump for themselves.

Jan 20, 2012 - everyone making their way to Fernie!

it was in a word, epic.  but of course, a video is worth a million words...

Friday 13 January 2012

friday the 13th

of COURSE i would launch my blog on Friday the 13th.  it's in line with so many of those things i don't quite mean to do that result in initial hysteria, followed closely by surprising and unexpected joy.

this date is significant.  not just because i'm finally launching my dream blog, but it's the kind of day that people NOTICE, often exclaiming something to the effect of, 'Oh my god! It's Friday the 13th!' i've just learned that not only are an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the United States affected by a fear of this day, there's a word for this fear: friggatriskaidekaphobia.  whoa. how lucky i am not to feel this fear, nor to need to be labelled with this terrifying 9-syllable word.

as superstitious as i may be, i love today.  the sun poured through bluest skies over the city all day, setting just in time for me to go skating in Calgary's downtown Olympic Plaza. i met my friends at centre ice in the Limelight, a temporary spotlight installation.  It was brilliant to observe kids twirling, shining and skating uninhibited under the spotlight- and to feel myself skirting around the edges, wanting to shine in the light but feeling somehow shy...

and now, eating salted dark chocolate, i sit here supported by two talented, generous friends who built the most beautiful blogs (check paper bluejay and room to breathe!) and are holding my hand as i create my own.

now that's what i call a lucky day.