Tuesday 24 January 2012

no such thing as a free lunch!

(those are my initials.  exclamation mark included.)

it`s also what i burst out with the moment i realized what i had done at lunch today...

i think i mentioned that after last night's pottery class i was back on track again?

well, today's misadventure topped the charts.

i was rushing to a work luncheon, delayed in my usual fashion, when it happened...

i parked and zoomed into the usual banquet hall, my red curls wildly unruly.

i thought i could sneak over to the buffet table inconspicuously and really was quite stealthy about the whole thing.  i'm not sure anyone even noticed my arrival.

with a full plate, i pulled up a chair at a table of friendly-looking women.  i eagerly tucked into my meal and then looked up to chatter idly with my table mates.  i asked their names and proceeded to introduce myself by name and explain that i was here, of course, to discuss water conservation and the municipal toilet rebate program (this is NEVER acceptable lunch table talk, so i was not initially alarmed by their raised eyebrows).

then i asked what they did.  they all seemed to work in the healthcare sector.  hmmm...that's odd, i'd never met anyone in the healthcare field at these luncheons before.  i actually felt quite excited about the stimulating conversation i could anticipate over lunch.

and then the woman across from me cleared her throat.  'yes?', i looked up. ..but before she could answer, i got that terrible i-am-in-the-wrong-classroom-and-not-wearing-any-pants feeling.

i quickly scanned the room and saw that it was nearly all women.  the condo association luncheons i normally attend have a far more even male/female distribution.  and not one of the attendees at THIS luncheon seems to be an insurance agent nor a property manager.  none of them are handing out business cards.  and all of them are waving this strange handout about reproductive health.

...REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH??? i've stolen a free lunch and accidentally landed in a two-day retreat focused on SEX??!!?  well, at the very least, this sounds both stimulating (excuse the bad pun) and most interesting!

 i've taken many a faux pas, but this one must top the charts, even for me.  wow.  what to do now? i could quietly finish my meal and sneak away, but that's really not my M.O.  best to just enjoy.  so i did.  i engaged in a robust discussion of water fluoridation with my bright and interesting table mates and when the microphone came around for new arrivals to introduce themselves, i proudly stood up and introduced myself, put in a plug to regularly check one's plumbing (see! toilets ARE relevant to this conversation!) grabbed my jacket and my chocolate mousse and thanked everybody for the free lunch.

NOTE: dear reader- i did NOT in fact ask luncheon attendees to check their plumbing.  it was only after the fact that i wished i'd publicly done so...the sort of brilliance that always strikes two hours after it is most needed.  the rest of the story, i'm sorry to admit, is completely accurate.

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